Posts Tagged ‘gay rights’

celebrate National Coming Out Day

Today is National Coming Out Day. It’s important, of course, for members of the LGBTQ community to wear their identities publicly and with pride today–but it’s also important for allies to show their support. In a nation where more than half of us still believe that marriage is a privilege that must be earned and not an inalienable right, mainstream political candidates can treat homosexuality as an abomination and still garner 34% of likely voters in pre-election polls, a repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell can be blocked by Senate Republicans despite overwhelming public support for dropping a ban on gays in the military, and–most crushingly of all–young people are bullied and even driven to suicide based on real or perceived differences in gender identity and sexual orientation, we need LGBTQ allies to stand up proudly.

It’s still not safe to be out in America. LGBTQ allies can’t change this fact, but they can make it clear to the world that it’s safe to be out around them.

a time when I didn’t speak up against anti-gay behavior

This graphic is brought to you by Genderbitch, who describes herself as “Just another pagan, kinky, queer trans chick with disabilities”:

I found the genderbitch blog because of a recent post published there on “calling out” bigoted behavior, and because I’ve been thinking about a recent incident in which I chose not to “call out” a classmate who said something homophobic in front of (but not about) me and a small number of my colleagues. I didn’t say a word when it happened and, upon later reflection and rehashing, decided that even if I could do it again I still wouldn’t speak up.

You know me, right? I don’t have a problem with making enemies, and I have no problem with calling people out when it’s deserved. I even sympathize with the author of Genderbitch when she writes, of her struggle with the idea of “allies”:

I’m not gonna lie, I find the entire concept of an ally to be vile and revolting. Mostly because I think creating an above and beyond the call of duty label for people to just be decent human beings (which is what fighting oppression makes you) gives them more entitlement and a greater capacity to hold their efforts hostage to influence us.

I don’t mind making enemies, and I feel fine about my ability and willingness to stand up against bigoted behavior. Yet I didn’t call out the bigotry when it happened right in front of me. Why?

In part because while the bigotry wasn’t about me, it sort of was about me. I mean, in the sense that anyone who’s paying any attention at all can figure out that there’s something gender-y, perhaps even queer, going on with me. I wear men’s clothes and men’s shoes and I keep my hair very, very short. For example:

If you say something homophobic near me, you’re also saying something homophobic about me, to me, and at me. Which means, in case you were wondering, that I have a right to call you out if I choose to.

In this situation, I didn’t choose to. Because at that moment, I was busy learning that my classmate was at best oblivious and at worst ignorant about gender politics. Because at that moment, it became clear that there was no point in calling out the bigotry–if he hadn’t figured out that he shouldn’t be all gaybashing in front of me already, there was no point in bringing it to his attention. Because his bigoted comment was enough hostility, directed though it was at someone else, for me to bear for one day.

And, most importantly, because my colleagues–who didn’t speak up either–brought it up to me later and asked if we could talk about what we should have done. There wasn’t a question in anybody’s mind that something anti-gay had happened; the question was whether any one of us should have or could have handled it better. My colleagues–all of whom are, to the best of my knowledge, straight.

Straight, but allies. Allies who believe they had a responsibility to speak up against bigotry even though I wasn’t willing to speak up myself.

There will always be bigots, right? What we hope is that there are enough people who abhor bigoted behavior that sometimes it’s not necessary to call bigotry out. Sometimes it’s enough to just turn your back on it.

finally someone listens to common sense about Proposition 8

You’ve heard by now, I assume, that U.S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Proposition 8, the amendment to the California state Constitution that banned gay marriage.

In explaining his ruling, Walker wrote that

Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in  singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

Walker added this explanation for why the issue of gay marriage should not be up to voters to decide:

Conjecture, speculation and fears are not enough. Still less will the moral disapprobation of a group or class of citizens suffice, no matter how large the majority that shares that view. The evidence demonstrated beyond serious reckoning that Proposition 8 finds support only in such disapproval. As such, Proposition 8 is beyond the constitutional reach of the voters or their representatives.

It’s my understanding that the United States Supreme Court bases many of its decisions on general public opinion about issues like capital punishment. I’d be interested to learn the difference between court decisions that rely on majority opinion (which is often based on conjecture, speculation, and fears) and those that are decided by voters’ majority opinions (also often based on conjecture, speculation, and fears).

Of course I’m elated by the ruling, and believe Walker is absolutely accurate in his assessment of both voters’ efforts to ban gay marriage and why Proposition 8 is unconstitutional. The ruling will almost certainly be appealed, which will, I hope, give us all a chance to speak plainly about our conjectures, speculation and fears when it comes to gay rights.

counseling student fights for her right to provide therapy to people she hates

Here’s something awesome: A graduate student in school counseling who is publicly and vocally anti-gay is suing her school because university officials dared to suggest she might not be able to effectively counsel gay and lesbian clients.

I was directed to this story by Jon Newton of p2pnet; the Chronicle of Higher Education ran a slightly longer description of the lawsuit. Here’s the breakdown:

Jennifer Keeton, a student at Augusta State University in Augusta, GA, has been crystal clear on her views toward homosexuality: It’s immoral, a lifestyle choice, and in direct opposition to her Christian beliefs.

According to the suit, faculty members threatened Keeton with expulsion unless she underwent a “remediation plan” intended, presumably, to increase her acceptance of the GLBTQ community; the Chronicle article offers the following details:

The plan calls on Ms. Keeton to attend workshops on serving diverse populations, read articles on counseling gay, lesbian, and bisexual and transgendered people, and write reports to an adviser summarizing what she has learned. It also instructs her to work to increase her exposure to, and interaction with, gay populations, and suggests that she attend the local gay-pride parade. Ms. Keeton has refused to comply.

The suit argues that Keeton’s personal views toward homosexuality would not interfere with her ability to offer competent counseling to gay and lesbian clients. You can see a video of Keeton explaining her stance here.

Two points: First, if you are so judgmental and bigoted about a group of people that you are simply unable to keep your mouth shut about it, what in the world would lead you to believe you would make a competent counselor to anybody, least of all the people whose lifestyles you unequivocally deplore?

Second, if you unequivocally deplore the lifestyles of an entire group of people, why in the world would you want to counsel them anyway, competently or otherwise?

For goodness’ sake: school counseling. One of the most significant sets of issues young people deal with surround sexuality. Straight, queer, trans, or otherwise, all clients deserve to be counseled by someone who has not already made up her mind about what sorts of sexual attractions, dispositions, and behaviors are moral and which are a Crime Against the Lord.

Why is this woman suing? Why in the world does she even want to be a school counselor?

Jon Stewart on “should Muslims be allowed to build their mosques in the neighborhoods of their choosing?”

Sometimes Jon Stewart is just so on.

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turns out Gallagher has become an evil clown.

The Seattle newspaper The Stranger is a free alternative newsweekly, so I suppose that explains the strident anti-conservative tone of a recent piece about the aging comic Gallagher.

The primary target of this piece is Gallagher himself; the author describes Gallagher as “a paranoid, delusional, right-wing religious maniac,” then offers up some pretty convincing evidence:

Gallagher is upset about a lot of things. Young people with their sagging pants (in faintly coded racist terms, he explains that this is why the jails are overcrowded—because “their” baggy pants make it too hard for “them” to run from the cops). Tattoos: “That ink goes through to your soul—if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, YOU DIPSHIT.” People naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: “Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!” Guantánamo Bay: “We weren’t even allowed to torture all the way. We had to half-torture—that’s nothin’ compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did.” Lesbians: “There’s two types—the ugly ones and the pretty ones.” (Um, like all people?) Obama again: “If Obama was really black, he’d act like a black guy and get a white wife.” Michael Vick: “Poor Michael Vick.” Women’s lib: “These women told you they wanna be equal—they DON’T.” Trans people: “People like Cher’s daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can’t see your dick, you don’t get one.” The Rice Krispies elves: “All three of those guys are gay. Look at ‘em!” The Mexicans: “Look around—see any Mexicans? Nope. They’ll be here later for the cleanup.” The French: “They ruin our language with their faggy words.

Holy crap. With hate speech like that, Gallagher deserves as much disgusted critique as writer Lindy West can dish out. But she doesn’t stop there; the audience, she explains, are “rabid, frothing conservative dickwads” who lap up Gallagher’s racist, xenophobic rant. Okay, so the question becomes: Is West responding in kind? Is she unloading hate speech on the group she dislikes in a similar way to Gallagher’s anti-gay, anti-liberal “act”?

First, I want to make clear that while all hate speech is abominable, hate speech that targets marginalized groups is more abominable than hate speech that targets dominant groups. Why? Because of power and inertia. Marginalized groups–the LGBTQ community, for example–in lots of ways exist at the mercy of dominant groups–in this case, the heteronormative community. “Should we give them the right to marry?” “Should we pass laws to protect them against anti-gay violence?” “Should we let them claim each other on their tax returns?” It’s taken for granted that American society needs to decide what rights to “grant” gays. The alternative would be to assume that the LGBTQ community already has the same rights as everyone else, and laws that violate those rights need to be struck down.

Power. Inertia.

So calling a language “faggy,” advocating “girly” names to avoid giving daughters “lesbian tendencies,” finishing up an act by, as West describes it, smashing a plate of fruit cocktail and an Asian vegetable mix and announcing “This is the China people and queers!!!”–way more abominable than calling Gallagher’s appreciative audience “rabid, frothing conservative dickwads.” It’s an audience, as Gallagher himself points out, filled with white people, and the risk of getting beaten, killed, or legislated against for being a conservative white person is fairly low relative to the risk that goes along with being gay, African American, Mexican, or any of the other ethnic and cultural minorities against whom Gallagher is stirring up the pot of hatred.

Which makes West’s response understandable but still not quite okay. I say this as someone who absolutely adored this article, who is aghast that hate speech like this attracts any audience whatsoever, and who has the same impulse to rage against anyone who would even chuckle at Gallagher’s diatribe (which, by the way, doesn’t even seem particularly funny).

Anyway, you should read the whole article, which is fairly short and extremely well crafted, then let me know what you think.

you don’t need to be that tough

Here’s a commercial that ran in Norway. The text at the end reads:

You don’t need to be that tough.
Helpline for gay youth / We guarantee we’ll answer.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQi6NymyZoM&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0]

In my opinion, this commercial, which the creator has said was developed as part of an advertising competition, sort of fails. Its target audience, gay youth, are supposed to feel affinity with that kid, right? But though the commercial attempts to convince us otherwise, the kid’s behavior isn’t brave–it’s kinda stupid. First of all, whether the other boy is straight or not, he’s clearly into the girl sitting next to him. Even if this is the Most Progressive School Dance in the History of Western Culture, asking someone to dance when he’s clearly into someone else is just begging for public rejection. And given the purpose of the commercial, we can assume this isn’t the Most Progressive School Dance in the History of Western Culture–it’s the kind of school dance we’re all familiar with, the kind at which asking someone of the same gender to dance is an act of extreme bravery, even if that kid isn’t already sitting with someone else.

And what makes this an act of extreme bravery? Well, the fact that it’s insanely risky to publicly present yourself as gay. And what makes it risky? The fact that, according to this commercial at least, straight kids are not to be trusted–they’re dangerous. And coming out to the straight kids is the stupid kind of bravery, at least according to this commercial.

So the messages of this commercial include:

  • If you’re a gay adolescent, coming out to your classmates is extremely brave but kind of stupid and also unnecessary.
  • If you’re a gay adolescent struggling with coming out, it’s better to talk about it privately with people who promise they won’t reject you than it is to talk about it openly with your (straight) classmates, who will probably reject you.
  • If you’re a gay adolescent, the straight kids you go to school with are dangerous for you.
  • Coming out is brave but also dangerous, and before you do something stupid you should talk to us about how to do it right.
  • If you’re a gay adolescent, your impulses about how to perform your orientation are probably wrong, and we can tell you how to perform your sexual orientation appropriately.

Imagine you’re a 12-year-old boy struggling with coming out. You see this commercial where a boy with whom you’re supposed to identify not only behaves really stupidly but then also gets his actions judged by the very people who say they want to help him. “You don’t have to be that tough”–translation: Call us–we can tell you the right way to come out.

Queer kids deal with enough judgment from their families, their friends, their classmates, their culture–they don’t need more people telling them how they should behave, and they certainly don’t need a support agency for gay youth telling them whether they’re behaving appropriately.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS0GVOQPs0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0]

against ‘tolerance’

I want to share with you a beautiful piece of prose I encountered via Out Magazine. The essay, “Riding in Cars with Lesbians,”  by Helena Andrews, is the memoir of a woman who grew up with a pair of painfully abusive mothers. Though they mainly directed their abuse at each other, the scars crisscrossing the writer’s emotional terrain are evident everywhere you look. Here’s an excerpt:
A 99-cent store dry erase board saved my life. I’d never given the thing much thought before using it to slash manic slaps of marker onto our Frigidaire. The grown-ups were in the living room arguing during the commercials, trading insults to a soundtrack about sunglasses. Frances, we need to talk about this. My name is Geek, I put ’em on as a shocker. Do whatever you want, Vernell, leave me out of it. Man, I love these Blublockers. I hate you. Everything is clear. Keep your voice down. They block out the sun. Why? Helena knows what a bitch you are. Oh, yeah, I gotta get me some.

I also love this piece because it presents a clear-eyed picture of an abusive household that happens to be headed by a pair of lesbians, though really, the author treats the gay issue as a secondary thing. Sure, the teenaged daughter is embarrassed to have two mothers–but her embarrassment is depicted as on par with the range of things our parents can do to embarrass us. A trashy car, embarrassing wardrobe choices, the fact of a mother and a stepmother with no father in evidence–it’s all approximately equally embarrassing.

We need this sort of narrative.

We need people who can talk about members of the LGBTQ community in terms as human as those we’ve traditionally reserved for mainstream (straight) people. Gays are neither the vile, depraved and hellbound pedophiles that religious and far-right political groups would like you to believe; but neither are we the perfect angels who only have missionary sex at night with the doors locked and the lights out, who want nothing more than a house in the suburbs and our allotment of stock options and children, who pray to the Lord Our God each night before we go to sleep. Like most people in the world, most LGBTQ people fall somewhere in the middle of the continuum. Sometimes we want to act up and act out; sometimes we want  to toss up our queerness like a flaming red mohawk:

And sometimes, like my friends Elaine and Nancy, we just want to get married:

And sometimes, as in Helena Andrews’ essay, we’re far less generous and kind than we wish we could be. Sometimes we can’t help but talk shit about our partners, even in front of children. Sometimes we’re mad enough that we can’t help but take a swing or two, even at the people we love.

It’s not okay to behave badly, but it’s okay to acknowledge that gays could be better or worse people, depending on the day or the circumstances. It’s okay to acknowledge that gays are decent people, beautiful people, sometimes heroic people, but mostly gays are just average people who are trying to live their lives as fully and kindly and with as much joy and love as they can.

I’m not a fan of the notion of “tolerance,” mainly because I believe it suggests that the people who are supposed to be “tolerated” must be proven to be acting “tolerably.” That’s not equality; that’s patronizing. That’s a power differential that favors the status quo. That’s charity, handed out to the trembling hand held up in supplication. That’s a stunted revolution that permits only the most limited type of dancing.

I prefer multiplicity, openness, dialogue. I prefer that we strike down the cultural narrative of gays as a monolithic group walking together in lockstep, especially since that narrative is not borne out by the truth of “gay culture.” I prefer–I propose–that we craft a new narrative, one that presents members of the LGBTQ community as exactly as diverse, as variable, as perfect and flawed, as everyone else in the world.

best. live performance. ever.

I just got back from a show starring the Indigo Girls, with a special appearance by a band I’d never heard of. The group is called Girlyman, and they are drop-dead fantastic. They knocked us all absolutely dead, and it was obvious that the Indigo Girls, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, had a great deal of respect for these guys.

Here’s a vid of one of their recent songs, “Young James Dean.” In the live performance, they also had a drummer, JJ Jones, who added a nice kick to their sound. You might want to consider checking them out if they come to a town near you.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jSbSs6hZos&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0]