Archive for September, 2010

a time when I didn’t speak up against anti-gay behavior

This graphic is brought to you by Genderbitch, who describes herself as “Just another pagan, kinky, queer trans chick with disabilities”:

I found the genderbitch blog because of a recent post published there on “calling out” bigoted behavior, and because I’ve been thinking about a recent incident in which I chose not to “call out” a classmate who said something homophobic in front of (but not about) me and a small number of my colleagues. I didn’t say a word when it happened and, upon later reflection and rehashing, decided that even if I could do it again I still wouldn’t speak up.

You know me, right? I don’t have a problem with making enemies, and I have no problem with calling people out when it’s deserved. I even sympathize with the author of Genderbitch when she writes, of her struggle with the idea of “allies”:

I’m not gonna lie, I find the entire concept of an ally to be vile and revolting. Mostly because I think creating an above and beyond the call of duty label for people to just be decent human beings (which is what fighting oppression makes you) gives them more entitlement and a greater capacity to hold their efforts hostage to influence us.

I don’t mind making enemies, and I feel fine about my ability and willingness to stand up against bigoted behavior. Yet I didn’t call out the bigotry when it happened right in front of me. Why?

In part because while the bigotry wasn’t about me, it sort of was about me. I mean, in the sense that anyone who’s paying any attention at all can figure out that there’s something gender-y, perhaps even queer, going on with me. I wear men’s clothes and men’s shoes and I keep my hair very, very short. For example:

If you say something homophobic near me, you’re also saying something homophobic about me, to me, and at me. Which means, in case you were wondering, that I have a right to call you out if I choose to.

In this situation, I didn’t choose to. Because at that moment, I was busy learning that my classmate was at best oblivious and at worst ignorant about gender politics. Because at that moment, it became clear that there was no point in calling out the bigotry–if he hadn’t figured out that he shouldn’t be all gaybashing in front of me already, there was no point in bringing it to his attention. Because his bigoted comment was enough hostility, directed though it was at someone else, for me to bear for one day.

And, most importantly, because my colleagues–who didn’t speak up either–brought it up to me later and asked if we could talk about what we should have done. There wasn’t a question in anybody’s mind that something anti-gay had happened; the question was whether any one of us should have or could have handled it better. My colleagues–all of whom are, to the best of my knowledge, straight.

Straight, but allies. Allies who believe they had a responsibility to speak up against bigotry even though I wasn’t willing to speak up myself.

There will always be bigots, right? What we hope is that there are enough people who abhor bigoted behavior that sometimes it’s not necessary to call bigotry out. Sometimes it’s enough to just turn your back on it.

another reason to study media at Indiana University

I sometimes hang out in Mark Deuze‘s office in the telecommunications department of my university. When I hang out there, my colleagues and I operate under the moniker “the janissary collective.” Here’s a short video clip taken by Nicky Lewis that is characteristic of the type of conversation we have. The only thing that’s not characteristic is that in this clip, two faculty members are doing the majority of the talking. In fact, most of the time it’s the rest of us–the students–who do most of the talking while Mark and other faculty listen.

Still, if you’re looking for a reason to come to Indiana University to study media, telecommunications, or journalism, try this on for size.

Ok Go: “White Knuckles”

Here’s the latest Ok Go video, “white knuckles.”

You know what would be really innovative? If OK Go made a video that didn’t involve every band member rigidly marching roughly in time with every other band member while alternating looking directly at the camera and moving offscreen to pull in some new prop. I’m not bored of this gimmick yet, but I’m getting there.

notes on the double-edged sword: on Jaron Lanier on algorithmic approaches to educational policy

cross-posted at HASTAC.

I generally find Jaron Lanier a bit too reductionist, a bit too either/or, for my tastes. His recent New York Times column arguing for a return to innovative, creative educational approaches and a turn away from problematic assumptions inherent in algorithmic approaches to assessment (“Does the Digital Classroom Enfeeble the Mind?” Sept. 16, 2010) is characteristically both reductionist and either/or. This makes me worried, because the piece is also–characteristically–poetic and moving, which means we education-y types have been slinging it around like Tea Party candidates sling xenophobia and hate. Because it took me a little while to realize Lanier’s message should worry us, I sent it on to my Twitter followers and drafted a glowing review of the piece to post here before realizing that the piece makes its own problematic assumptions about education and technologies and therefore calls for a much more critical read.

Lanier’s biggest concern, one with which I sympathize, is that turning issues of educational accountability over to computers and computer-scored tests results in a double-edged sword that pushes both the most creative teachers and the most unimaginative teachers out of the classroom. Reflecting on his father’s decision, in middle age, to become an elementary school teacher, Lanier writes that he

would have been unable to “teach to the test.” He once complained about errors in a sixth-grade math textbook, so he had the class learn math by designing a spaceship. My father would have been spat out by today’s test-driven educational regime.

But this is not the whole story…. It’s a romantic notion, the magic of teaching, but magic always has a dark side. Trusting teachers too much also has its perils. For every good teacher who is too creative to survive in the era of “no child left behind,” there’s probably another tenacious, horrid teacher who might be dethroned only because of unquestionably bad outcomes on objective tests.

No matter where you stand on NCLB and the use of standardized tests, you have to admit that Lanier has a point. Using standardized testing statistics to make decisions, at a distance, about the quality of a teacher may very well help us push the terrible educators out of the classroom, but it’s likely to also push out the most innovative teachers, the ones whose creativity, whose ability to foster deep and lifelong commitments to learning, don’t show up in test scores.

The problem, though, is that Lanier connects this real, worrisome concern to the windmill he’s been tilting at for some time: his conviction that internet technologies dehumanize us.

Lanier argues that while algorithmic, predictive approaches to some human experiences are “heartless,” they’re at least better than the alternative. As an example, he describes his frustration with algorithms that predict what sort of music he’d be interested in hearing, based on his previous musical selections. Lanier, a musician himself, writes that

(n)othing kills music for me as much as having some algorithm calculate what music I will want to hear. That seems to miss the whole point. Inventing your musical taste is the point, isn’t it? Bringing computers into the middle of that is like paying someone to program a robot to have sex on your behalf so you don’t have to.

And yet it seems we benefit from shining an objectifying digital light to disinfect our funky, lying selves once in a while. It’s heartless to have music chosen by digital algorithms. But at least there are fewer people held hostage to the tastes of bad radio D.J.’s than there once were. The trick is being ambidextrous, holding one hand to the heart while counting on the digits of the other.

Of course, this argument ignores the fact that “bad DJ’s” are often themselves the products of a different set of algorithms, numbers calculated by music producers, radio conglomerates, and the FCC. In fact, as most of us know (or at least suspect), a pretty significant proportion of our daily experiences are managed by algorithms–by computers. When we need to quickly learn about an event, a term, a date, a location, we Google it. We don’t go to Yahoo or About.com or Ask. How come? Because Google’s algorithms resulted in better, easier to navigate search results. When we add a new friend on Facebook, algorithms point us to other people we might know–and often, these suggestions help us broaden our social circles in useful, productive ways. Certainly we should worry about net neutrality and the dominance of Google, Facebook, and similar algorithmically driven tools; but in my view net neutrality is a political concern and not a strictly algorithmic one.

That’s the first bone I have to pick with Lanier. The second is with what he lists as the deeper concern: what he thinks is the underlying message of algorithmic, statistically driven tools. He writes that

(s)ome of the top digital designs of the moment, both in school and in the rest of life, embed the underlying message that we understand the brain and its workings. That is false. We don’t know how information is represented in the brain. We don’t know how reason is accomplished by neurons.

I don’t think he’s quite accurate in this assessment. It seems to me that the real message is not “we understand how the brain works” but “we understand how people behave.” In other words, the algorithms used by Google, Facebook, Twitter, Pandora and the like couldn’t really care less about how our brains are wired; what matters to them, what makes for “good,” useful results, is making sense of the social operations that drive our participation online.  Pandora’s algorithm, for example, relies on the “music genome project,” but the good folks at Pandora assume that musical tastes are about much more than DNA. Based on my musical preferences in the channel I call “Ani DiFranco Radio,” it’s entirely possible that I might get offered a Britney Spears song. I don’t like Britney Spears, and she certainly doesn’t belong on Ani DiFranco Radio. Why? Not because the musical structures of a Britney Spears song are opposed to my expressed musical tastes but because I don’t like Britney Spears. Pandora lets me register a “thumbs down” and thus makes it less likely that I will be offered another Britney Spears song.

Likewise, when people argue that, for example, the SAT is a more accurate predictor of first-year college success than extracurricular involvement, parents’ education levels, or other benchmarks, they’re not arguing that the SAT understands how the brain works. They’re making an argument about validity–basically, they argue that the SAT accurately measures what it’s intended to measure.

It’s fairly well established that if you want to do well on the SAT, you should do your best to be rich, white or East Asian, and male. It also turns out that being rich, white or East Asian, and male makes you more likely to succeed in your first year of college. In this respect, the SAT is making a perfectly valid prediction of college success. The issue, then, is not with the SAT itself but with the assumptions about what “counts” as learning–assumptions that lead to gender, racial, and class biases in both the SAT and in institutions of higher education.

Lanier is right that we should worry about the use of standardized tests to make accountability decisions, but it’s not because the algorithms behind these tests erroneously claim to know how our brains work. It’s because those algorithms erroneously claim to know beyond a doubt what “counts” as good learning, what “counts” as good teaching, and what “counts” as success. These social claims are far more dangerous, far more potentially destructive, than any biological or neuroscientific claims could ever be.

losing Max

He was perfect. He was beautiful and mouthy and sweet and kind and nobody who met him could ever forget him. He was mine and he knew it. I loved him. I had the unbelievable good luck to have him in my life for 13 perfect years. I never begrudged him the work or the expense of keeping him healthy and whole. Never resented him or wished he’d hurry up and die. Never. Not once. For thirteen years I loved him well and I never forgot to cherish him and show him how well he was loved. I never forgot how lucky I was.

And he’s gone and I don’t have the courage to post even a single photo of him here. If you want to know what he looked like, you’ll need to skim through my archives on your own.

“If I don’t meet you in this life, let me feel the lack.”
Amy Quan Barry

Now there is almost no sound and at night I am not afraid.
The next world will be made of paper and everything
will have the capacity to fly. Promise me it will be there
as it is here—the raspberries climbing the trellis, the rivers
blue scripts. Because every story has two endings, I see your body
breaking down, I see you soaring in the light. Be taken with me.
Come pouring down unified.

remembering 9/11

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was at the offices of the Holly Herald and Fenton Independent, a pair of local weekly newspapers in southeastern Michigan. I was a reporter. Our most recent paper had just gone to press, it was early in the next news cycle, and I was sort of easing into my day.

My sister called to tell me about the attack, and what I remember most of all is not being able to connect to a single news site. The internet was overloaded by a crush of people trying to find out what was going on. We had no TV in the office. I tried my car radio but NPR was, as everybody soon found out, playing a syndicated repeat of an earlier, pre-attack show. So when the second tower fell I was still on the phone with my sister, who was watching it live on her home television. I can still remember the panic edging her voice, though not the exact words, when the second plane hit the second tower.

In the hours, days, and weeks following the attacks, analysts and politicians announced somberly that 9/11 had changed everything. I don’t think there’s any doubt that they were right.

you guys, I’m really happy.

Today’s my birthday. I’m 33. I don’t really go for birthday reflections or “this year I promise to…” resolutions, but I have been thinking lately that I’m happier, and more confident and comfortable with myself, than I have been maybe ever. And that’s worth writing about, even if it is my birthday.

1. It takes awesome friends. Awesome friends are great to have in general, but I also happen to think they’re a necessity. My awesome friends have helped me figure out the difference between the sort of person I am, the sort of person I think I am, and the sort of person I want to be. As exemplified by this recent conversation:

me: OMG I hate conflict so much
[my inner monologue: OMG I'm such an enormous loser because I never stand up for myself and I run away from everything and I cause even more problems for everyone around me]
Melissa: Well, you hate conflict so much that you actually do work to avoid having conflict in the first place.
Carissa: Yeah, and even though you hate conflict that doesn’t stop you from standing up for things that you believe in. Which is sort of cool.
[my inner monologue: OMG that's sort of true and maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself all the time just because I hate fighting with people]
me: do you guys want to go get ice cream?

2. It takes awesome colleagues. I know people who have chosen career paths that put them in contact with some nasty, backstabbing sorts of people. I’m super duper lucky that my field, education, is loaded up with nice, smart, and funny people–the kind I’d want to be friends with anyway. Yup, there are mean and small-minded people here, too, but they’re far outweighed by the kind, well intentioned folks.

(Which sort of makes a guy wonder why so many current educational policies run counter to the best interests of our kids. I have thoughts on that, too, but that’s a post for another day.)

3. It takes a sort of thick skin. I’ve been called a lot of names, some of which I don’t even understand. (Can someone explain to me what, exactly, “butt paralyzing wankery” is?) This is sort of the price of admission, especially if you use online platforms to speak up for your beliefs.

Eventually you learn to shrug it off. You might bitch to your friends and draft a vituperative, name-calling blog post, but in the end you delete the draft and move on.

Which is sort of cool. Also, here are some of my awesome friends:

And here are some of my awesome colleagues:

And incidentally, now that I’ve thought about it there’s not much of a line between my colleagues and my friends. Which is sort of nice too.

“be cool, you guys” revisited: on identity theft and ignorant behavior

Last updated: Tuesday, Sept. 7, 10:05 a.m.: The author of the blog described below has acknowledged that the comments posted using my sister’s online identity were not, in fact, posted by the “real” Laura, and she has removed them from her blog. Obviously, I believe this was the right decision and I’m glad and relieved that the comments have been deleted.


My sister learned today that someone has been using her information to troll other websites. This person has been posting ignorant, hateful things and linking them to Laura’s online identity. She has contacted the owner of one blog in particular, asking to have the comments removed, but the blog’s owner has refused to respond to her requests and has even deleted two different attempts* to post a disavowal of the most offensive comments.

My sister is crushed. I, on the other hand, am deeply pissed.

Because it’s bad enough that someone is evil and mean-spirited enough to slander someone else’s name–if my sister is right in her guess, the guy who’s using her identity is someone who spent a lot of time posting mean and petty comments on her blog, which she deleted until she finally decided to block him.

You hear that? When someone posts offensive material to your blog, you have two really good options: remove the offensive content, or block the commenter.

The owner of the trolled blog did neither. Instead, she took the low road: She tossed out insults, told “laura” to go fuck herself, and used the offensive content to spew even MORE offensive content.

For example:

The blog author, who is a Muslim, wrote about her frustration over American anti-Muslim rhetoric over a proposed masjid near Ground Zero, and as one of her key points explained that Muslims are a tolerant and diverse group, and that masjids

host a very wide cross-section of people. There are old people there, like, really old people who are so conservative and traditional it’d make your head spin. There are people like Mama and Papa Hoomster, nearing retirement age, people with one foot in each country. There are middle-aged folks who were the first real folks born here. There are people my age, young professionals who are more closely tied to America than they ever will be to another country. There are people younger than me, school children. It’s not just a bunch of crusty immigrants who barely speak English talking about the white devil and the imperialist America. There are folks that converted to Islam – Caucasians, African Americans, Asians. People from all walks of life who identify themselves as Muslims and Americans and find the idea that the two are exclusive in any way completely laughable.

Point one made by the author: Muslims are tolerant and willing to embrace diverse peoples. Hold onto that while I identify point two: That she’s tired of people who reinforce “the ‘ignorant American’ stereotype.” She’s tired, she explains, of people repeating the ridiculous argument that building a masjid near Ground Zero means the terrorists have won. She writes:

Give me a fucking break. I’ve seen so many people (that I follow on Twitter), people that I thought were intelligent and well informed, or at least made a semblance of an attempt to be, express this sentiment. And my respect for them plummeted in the face of such a ridiculous, xenophobic remark. Guys, you’re really not helping the ‘ignorant American’ stereotype. You’re really not.

Ok, just to recap: Muslims are tolerant and she’s sick of Americans acting hostile and ignorant. Now let’s take a look at how this author, who abhors intolerance, hostility, and ignorance, responds to the comment posted by the “laura” sockpuppet.

First, some apparently ‘real’ person posted a comment arguing that building a masjid near Ground Zero would be ‘inappropriate.’ The laura sockpuppet wrote this:

And the blog’s author, the one who hates intolerance, ignorance, and hostility, responded with this:

This same blogger, the one who hates intolerance, ignorance, and hostility, has used my sister as a foil multiple times, even once going so far as to suggest Laura and people like her are “retarded.” Talk about intolerance, ignorance, and hostility!

Seriously: be cool, you guys. And if you can’t be cool, then at least be smart enough to realize when you’ve just turned into a caricature of yourself.

We know that trolling, griefing, and sockpuppetry–use of an online identity for the purpose of deception–are the cost of interacting with social media. What we hope is that people who are smart and motivated enough to maintain an active blog are also smart, motivated, and mature enough to address these in a productive way. I’ll tell you what’s not productive: Using a griefer to grief right back–not only allowing but actively contributing to a hostile, ignorant, and intolerant discourse. It’s not productive, it’s not helpful or useful, and it’s certainly not worth the waste of energy and time it takes to read.

It’s not clear to me why this blog’s owner allowed the sockpuppet’s abhorrent comments to remain on her blog but deleted* my sister’s attempts to set the record straight–Laura was only trying to explain that she absolutely did not subscribe to the ideas attributed to her by the griefer. The only thing I can think is that this is someone who doesn’t particularly care about pesky things like truth, decency, and common courtesy.

*Update: Thursday, Sept. 2, 10:48 p.m.: It appears that the two comments that the real Laura posted today were not deleted, as I wrote above, but delayed for moderation. The author of the blog has since published today’s comments, though as of this update the earlier comments, posted by the sockpuppet laura, remain intact. I’ll post another update if and when the previous comments are deleted.

what I do with my mornings

See, what I do is, first I give him his three pills which he’s been getting for years so he’s pretty used to just swallowing them down. When he’s sick or dehydrated it’s harder because they get stuck in his throat and make him puke. Then I deal with the new medication, which is a syrup that makes him froth and spit up even though it’s supposed to taste good to cats. I put a tiny bit in a syringe and fill the rest up with Friskies gravy. Then I get more of the Tylosin and mix in more gravy and I keep doing that until I’m done. Usually there’s a small mess to clean up after we’re finished. Sometimes I need to change my clothes. Then I get his food, which these days is basically anything he’ll eat. He never eats a full meal so I have to set it aside and try again later. Sometimes I have to try multiple times, and sometimes it works and he finishes and sometimes it doesn’t and I fret.

You want to make fun of me for how much I’ll do for my cats. I want to pity you for not knowing the deep joy and pain and love and pain and sweetness and pain that I’ve had the great luck to live with daily. I don’t regret a single minute or a single dollar of it and I feel honored–if I had religion, I’d probably say “blessed”–to have stumbled into Max all those years ago.

face of a black cat